Simple Musings 3: Really, Again?
by Lights aura858
Summary: In which a series refuses to die, the author is about to have a breakdown, the muse is still not amused, and the Yu Yu Gang is really getting sick of this...
1. Chapter 1

In Which A Gnome Harasses the Author and her Muse... Again

* * *

L.A.: So, I know I am terrible and haven't updated any of my stories the entire summer. I am really sorry about that. I've just had a busy, crazy summer.

Amu: Excuses, excuses.

L.A.: Anyway, I hope to be able to update _Rose Colored Glasses_ in the next week or two. Until then, enjoy this random plot bunny that I thought would never appear again.

Amu: Yay _Simple Musings_! The most random series in the world!

L.A.: If you haven't read the first two _Simple Musings _I suggest you do. This story is already crazy enough as it is. Seriously... I don't know where these come from.

Amu: Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I only own this crazy story and plot bunny that refuses to retire.

* * *

Lights aura or L.A. as most people called her, was busy typing on her laptop. The blond hair, blue-eyed girl was planning to have an epic summer this year. She even had a three-page list of all the goals she wanted to accomplish. Unfortunately it soon was almost the end of the summer; and, when she checked her list, she found that she hadn't accomplished any of those goals. So, she decided to take time out of being a procrastinator and focus on some of her goals namely writing stories.

As she sat there, enjoying the clicking of her laptop's keyboard, a loud roaring sound drew her attention. She looked up and was blinded by a flash of light.

When the spots in her vision cleared, she found herself in a familiar brightly colored field. A groan came from beside her. She turned and saw a blue wolf with amber colored eyes and a crescent moon mask over her right eye. It was her muse, Amu, and she looked pissed.

Turning to L.A., she said. "Are you freaking serious?"

Maniacal laughter caused them to look up. A miniature man with a pointed hat and beard to match floated before them. L.A. and Amu knew him well. It was Bartholomus. A gnome in denial who for some reason had a vendetta against L.A.

"Oh crap," L.A. said, "it's the gnome."

"I am not a gnome!" Bartholomus shouted. He took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have shouted like that. My therapist says I should learn to control my anger."

"You have a shrink?" Amu asked. "That's good. Have you come to apologize for all the nefarious deeds you committed?"

"No," Bartholomus said, "I've come for revenge."

L.A. and Amu stared at him in disbelief.

"I thought you were supposed to be controlling your anger," L.A. said.

"He said I should be channeling my anger into a creative outlet," Bartholomus said. "So, I used it to come up with a brilliant plan of revenge."

"You have a terrible therapist," Amu muttered.

L.A. silenced Amu with a look. "So, who are you going to kidnap now?" L.A. asked. "You've already kidnapped both of us. Are we supposed to take turns now?"

"I vote L.A.," Amu said. "She's already seen pictures of your naked butt. I don't want to be scarred yet."

"Excuse me?" L.A. clinched her fists. "I think you should be kidnapped. Last time you were kidnapped, all you did was run around town and sing Celine Dion."

"Oh, do shut up," Bartholomus said as he rubbed his temples. "You're giving me a headache."

"That's probably because we just blew your mind," Amu said. "We're just that epic."

There was an awkward pause.

"What?" L.A. said.

"Just go with it," Amu whispered. "You need to act more confident anyway."

"Enough," Bartholomus said. "I'm not kidnapping either one of you."

"You aren't?" L.A. said.

"Why not?" Amu whined.

"My therapist says I need to think outside the box," Bartholomus said as he snapped his fingers. A Mac laptop appeared in his hands. "That's why I'm stealing your laptop."

"You fiend," Amu said.

"My baby!" L.A. wailed. "Give me back my Macky."

"You named your Mac laptop Macky?" Amu said. "That's unoriginal."

"Yeah," Bartholomus said.

Amu's eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare agree with me, you monster."

"Gnome, monster," Bartholomus said, "you really need to quit calling me names. According to my therapist, people only use name calling to make them appear tougher."

"No, we're calling you that because you are a gnome and a monster," L.A. said. She held out her hands. "Now give me back my laptop and no one gets hurt."

"I don't have to put up with this." Bartholomus said. "If you ever want to see your laptop and your stories ever again then you have to come to my lair and save it." Bartholomus laughed manically. Mid-laugh, he stopped. "Oh by the way, my therapist said that I need a change in location so I moved my evil lair. Good luck." He laughed manically again as he disappeared.

L.A. and Amu stood there in utter shock.

"I hate him," L.A. said as she clinched her fists.

"I hate his therapist," Amu added.

* * *

L.A. sighed. She and Amu wandered aimlessly for a while before they finally entered the city. Even there though, they were still lost.

"So, I guess we're in the Yu Yu Hakusho world," L.A. said.

"I don't know," Amu said, "I don't recognize anything yet… Oh my god!"

"What?" L.A. said as she looked around frantically. "Did you see Bartholomus?"

"No look," Amu pointed to her left. "There's that fountain I sang Celine Dion at," Amu grinned. "Here, let me sing to you."

"Don't do it," L.A. yelled before covering her ears.

Amu jumped up onto the fountain. "I will always lo-" She stopped when she noticed a short man with spiked black hair and crimson eyes glaring at him. "Ah, Hiei's giving me his death glare. Somebody save me."

"Hiei?" L.A. said in surprise.

Hiei was there along with Kuwabara, Yusuke, and Kurama.

"I can't believe we finally get to meet the entire Yu Yu gang," Amu said. She narrowed her eyes as she scooted away from Hiei. "Except for you. I don't like you."

"Don't kill them, Hiei" Kurama said. "They're harmless…mostly."

"You know them?" Kuwabara asked.

"Yeah, we helped them when a stupid pathetic gnome kidnapped them," Yusuke said. "It really wasn't that hard of a mission."

"Kurama, Yusuke," L.A. said, "we need you're help. Bartholomus stole my laptop. I need help to get it back."

"A laptop?" Yusuke said. "No offense but it's just a laptop. You can get the police to help you with that."

"Uh-oh," Amu whispered as she slowly crept away from L.A.

Meanwhile L.A.'s face was bright red with a Hiei like glare to match. In two strides, she was in front of Yusuke. She grabbed his shirt. "Just a laptop? Just…a…laptop? Do you know what is on that laptop? My stories. And, do you know what stories are to a writer?" She got right into his face. "They're like babies. So, are you going to let that creepy gnome mess with my babies?"

Yusuke looked at the others with utter confusion.

"I don't know her," Amu muttered under her breath.

"We've got to help her Urameshi," Kuwabara said seriously. "They're babies involved."

"They're not babies." Yusuke winced when he felt L.A. tighten her grip. "Okay, okay, we'll help. Will you just let go of me?"

L.A. grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about that." She let go of him. "I promise I'm not this crazy normally. You guys keep seeing me on my off days."

"Anyway," Yusuke said as he straightened his shirt, "any ideas where he is?"

"Just a thought," Kurama said, "but he might be on that mountain over there."

He pointed off to the right to a mountain completely covered in fog.

"Why do you say that?" L.A. asked.

"That place never fogs up," Kuwabara said.

There was a pause.

"Wow," Amu said. "At least we know that even with a therapist, he's still a complete idiot."

* * *

"Are those…birds?" L.A. asked.

After trekking for an hour, they had finally reached the fog-covered mountain. They entered a cave near the top of the mountain and were greeted by an assortment of birds covering the ceiling.

Amu grinned as she cut her eyes up at L.A. "Oh, I love birds!"

L.A. grinned back. "Nod at the bird, people die," L.A. sang. "Everywhere people die… Oh wait, is that copyrighted?"

The others traded confused looks.

Amu shrugged. "I don't know but while we're at it…" Amu started hopping up and down. "I'm a bird motha f. I'm a bird! Look at me motha f. Look at me! Ah! Ah!"

"We are going to get sued," L.A. said.

"Shut up," Hiei said, "the birds…" He was cut off when the birds suddenly sprung off the ceiling and started to circle the group.

"What the hell? Bartholomus cheated," L.A. said as she cowered away from the mass of birds. "This is Alfred Hitchcock's idea."

"Bartholomus is going to be sued," Amu added.

"Geez, stop talking about people getting sued," Yusuke said as he shot a spirit gun at a group of birds. They dodged just in time. "Stay still you damn birds."

No matter how many birds they swatted down, more seemed to appear.

"You know what," L.A. yelled. "I can't believe this, but I think that Bartholomus may have come up with a successful trap."

As soon as she said this, a trap door opened up underneath them sending them hurtling into a dark pit below.

The last thing L.A. heard was Amu screaming. "Why the heck did you say that?"

* * *

L.A.: Oh no, seems to be a trap. Will L.A. ever get her laptop back? Will Amu get sued? Will Hiei kill everyone from the sheer ridiculousness of this story? Tune in next time to find out.

Amu: Oh, scary announcer voice...

L.A.: Anywho, in case you were wondering, the part about the birds comes from a youtuber named Toby Turner a.k.a. Tobuscus. There from two videos of his. One is a literal trailer and the other is a spoof he did on a jumping bird. Check them out if you want to be entertained.

Amu: Yay entertainment!

L.A.: I'll try to get the second part up next week along with the next chapter of Rose Colored Glasses. I'm about a third of the way done with the chapter.

Amu: You seriously need to quit neglecting your stories.

L.A.: Anywho, you know what to do. READ and REVIEW!


	2. Part 2

In Which the Conclusion Occurs

* * *

L.A.: So now I finish our tale.

Amu: This is ridiculous.

L.A.: Yet so entertaining.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I only own my crazy characters.

* * *

When L.A. came to, she found herself in darkness. It took her a few more moments to remember how she got there.

"Stupid Bartholomus," L.A. muttered as she stood up.

"L.A.?" Amu called out. "Is that you?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot you still exist," L.A. said.

"What kind of greeting was that?" Amu said. She sounded farther away.

"Where are you?" L.A. asked.

"Hold on a sec. I'll be right back."

L.A. could hear the sounds of claws clicking. They faded away for a few seconds before returning.

Amu appeared in the light of a torch.

"Sweet," L.A. said as she took the torch from her. "Good thinking."

Amu grinned evilly. "I made fire. I'm a genius."

"Whatever," L.A. held the torch in front of her. "Let's see if I could find someone."

* * *

After thirty minutes of wandering aimlessly, L.A. and Amu still haven't found anyone.

Amu had taken up singing morbid nonsense songs and L.A. was just pissed.

"Once there was a giraffe. He loved to work on arts and crafts," Amu sang. "He made rugs and pillows and amazing marshmallows. As for his name, let's just call him Boris."

L.A. raised an eyebrow.

Amu continued to sing. "Boris likes to make crafts in his room. Because of this, he spelled his own doom. One day he fell out of bed and broke his head.

And, now he looks like a giant horse… The end."

Amu stopped as she realized that L.A. was no longer walking with her. She turned back and saw L.A. standing with her eye twitching.

"How are you my muse again?" L.A. asked.

Amu shrugged. "Blame your messed up mind." Amu stiffened as she sniffed the air. "Oh, I smell people." She bounded off ahead with L.A. quickly following her.

They rounded a corner and came face to face with Hiei and Kuwabara. Kuwabara looked happy to see them. Hiei looked like he was ready to go on a killing spree.

"Good to see your okay," L.A. said.

"You too," Kuwabara said.

"Hn," Hiei crossed his arms.

"We were heading this way," Kuwabara grinned. "Gonna beat Urameshi on this one."

"As long as you get my laptop back, I'm happy." L.A. said.

"Get moving," Hiei said as he passed by them.

"Hey," Kuwabara said as he chased after him. "We were still talking."

"That's it. Hiei's on my black list," Amu said. "The only other person on that list is the Cheshire Cat. Yeah, it's that bad."

"Shh," L.A. whispered. "Don't let him hear you until after I've got my laptop back."

They quickly hurried after the other two.

* * *

Bartholomus was bored. It wasn't like he wanted them to succeed. It was just that he wanted someone to play with.

He looked at the laptop that sat to the right of him. The stupid author… apparently her laptop was just as quirky as her. It refused to let him use any of its applications except the sticky notes. He had written a couple rude remarks on her sticky notes but soon grew bored.

"They better get here soon," he muttered. "I still have a few more surprises in store."

* * *

L.A. wasn't sure why, but she was getting the feeling that Hiei was staring at her. She was afraid to turn around just in case he was staring. He might take offense and decide to kill her.

"You have a weird expression on your face," Amu said.

"Don't say anything," L.A. whispered. "It's just that I think Hiei's staring at me."

"Oh," Amu turned toward Hiei. "Why are you creeping on L.A.?"

"Amu!" L.A. said. She quickly turned to Hiei. "Don't listen to her. She's crazy."

"Hn," Hiei said as he walked ahead of them.

L.A. glared at Amu.

"What?" Amu asked innocently.

"You remind me of someone," Hiei said causing L.A. and Amu to look at him.

"Maybe Sira?" L.A. asked. "Or Tori?"

Hiei frowned. "Who?"

L.A. and Amu gasped. Hiei chose to ignore them by continuing to walk.

L.A. shook her head. "They forget so easily."

"So why did they not forget about us?" Amu asked.

L.A. shrugged. "I don't know maybe it's suspension of disbelief? The power of fanfiction?"

Amu raises an eyebrow. "You couldn't get more creative?"

"Nope." L.A. said.

As they rounded a corner, they entered a large ornate room. Bartholomus sat in a giant throne-like chair.

"Someone's over compensating for something," Amu muttered causing L.A. and Kuwabara to snicker.

"You think you are so confident, but I still have the upper hand," Bartholomus said as he snapped his fingers.

Two birdcages descended from the ceiling. Inside each was a person. Upon closer inspection, L.A. realized that Kurama and Yusuke were trapped inside.

Kuwabara burst out laughing. "Sucks for you Urameshi. I can't believe you were caught already."

"Shut it!" Yusuke said.

"So what," Amu said as she grinned sinisterly at Bartholomus. "We still have two awesome fighters left."

"I already prepared for that." He snapped his fingers again and cages fell trapping Hiei, Kuwabara, and Amu inside.

"Damn it," Kuwabara said as he swung his spirit sword at the cage. "It doesn't work."

"Don't you think we would have already gotten out if it did," Yusuke said.

Amu glared at Hiei. "You didn't even try, did you?"

"Hn," Hiei said as he crossed his arms.

Bartholomus laughed manically as he patted L.A.'s laptop. "Now you will all suffer my wrath starting with this laptop…" He stopped as he counted the cages. "Wait, who's missing?"

"Me you idiot." L.A. said as she clinched her fist.

"You don't scare me," Bartholomus said as he reached for her laptop.

"Don't you dare touch Macky," L.A. said.

"What are you going to do about it?" Bartholomus asked as he placed a finger on her laptop.

L.A.'s eyes narrowed as she yelled. "I'm gonna go Mother Grizzly Bear on your ass!" L.A. charged Bartholomus. Before she even reached him, he cowered away and screamed like a little girl.

"No, I give! I don't care what my therapist says. I don't want to deal with the mother grizzly bear."

L.A. paused as she raised an eyebrow. "Okay then."

Bartholomus snapped his fingers and the others were released from their cages.

Hiei glared as he stood up and pulled out his sword. "You're dead, gnome."

Bartholomus didn't bother to correct him as he squeaked and quickly ran away.

"Wow," Amu said. "That is probably the most pathetic villain in the history of all stories."

L.A. shrugged as she grabbed laptop. "I don't care. I've got my laptop back."

"Were you really going to beat him up?" Amu asked.

"Hey I may not like violence but mess with people I love, animals, or anything I consider a baby and you better watch out."

A strange white portal appeared behind Amu and L.A.

"Guess that's our cue to leave," L.A. said. "Thanks you guys for all your help."

"No problem," Yusuke said. "Do us a favor?"

"Sure," Amu said.

"Quit getting us involved with your gnome problem," Yusuke said. "It's getting annoying."

Before either L.A. or Amu could respond, the portal sucked them inside. When L.A. opened her eyes, she found herself back in her room with her laptop in her hands and Amu safely tucked away in her mind.

"Glad that was over," L.A. said as she opened her laptop. She frowned. Sticky notes were all over her laptop with rude remarks ranging from "You're stupid" to notes that had to be censored. "Oh, he better be glad he isn't here," L.A. said as she began to delete the sticky notes.

* * *

L.A.: The end!

Amu: Wow, just wow.

L.A.: Oh and if you do have a mac, then you know how addicting those sticky notes are. Oh, and I am almost done with the next chapter of _Rose Colored Glasses._ It will be up soon I promise.

Amu: Anyway, is this the last that we'll see of the _Simple Musings_ series?

L.A.: Hopefully not, but who knows. Those plot bunnies are stubborn. Anywho, you know what to do. READ and REVIEW!


End file.
